"did i tell you i was a psychopath?"

i must inform you on how miya has been doing lately. i don’t quite have a word for how i am, but i can tell you some key points that has been going on. So inadvertently, i found out that my mother and grandmother are on medication for depression. cymbalta to be exact. every since i found out, i’ve been researching the drug and i don’t care how recommended it is, i don’t like it. then i thought to myself: “miya ?…yes?” where is the depression coming from ? put it this way, in terms of my family, there has been alot of turmoil for the past decade. fights, drama, deaths, floods, all of that. however, i’m ok. well at least i think i am. which brings me to my next point…should i be talking to a therapist ? i’ve heard those who ask if they need to, generally do, but i honestly think i’m ok. I still function the way i used to. i still try to be active with my friends, even though i stay in my room alot. i try to keep a smile on my face, even when on the inside i feel like pure poo. i try to keep this image for my own personal reasons of happiness so that i won’t disappoint myself…if that makes any sense. and then the next point…the worst of all relationships. i wish i could understand what people want when they want it how they want it just so i can know if i’m able to give that to them. i know that inside, i can be the best girlfriend and give my all, but if i’m not given a chance then it’s irrelevant. i’m at the point where i’m tired of being entertained, it’s like i’m ready to live that life, but when it approaches me…i withdraw. hence where  i am today. i could be with somebody…i just won’t. orrr not to mention the times that i’ve TRIED to be with somebody and i failed, orrr the times where i give my heart and they take it for granted, orrr using me as a crutch so that when you’re ready to settle down, you’ll always have a good friend in me. it’s much to comprehend, but i know i’m understood. i never said i wasn’t happy with how i am, i cannot complain. i’m 21 and in college doing something for myself, attempting to do right. man i guess.