"did i tell you i was a psychopath?"

Woke up out of nowhere. Manasseh Jordan then Peter Popoff. Thanks. Swerve. Woke up in tears. Something didn’t feel right. The night before I had dreamed of deception and tonight it was death. My dreams and my reality are screwing with me. My mental isn’t right. So I’ll just drink this kool-aid. Look at some more grad schools. Then get myself together.

trinibabee:

Louisiana Hot Sauce claims that one drop does it. That’s so far from the truth; it takes me at least five drops.

Nothing is perfect, but it is much appreciated. Cuzzo got a new car, so i hope that motivates my parents to get their shit together. As i attempt to get mine. Like for example, i have a phone bill and an ALABAMA ticket to pay for with a total of none of your business in my bank account. Thugs make things work out. However this money for the fall is all types of yikes. I’m at the point where i need that push to get myself together. 22, graduation, future. A lot on my plate. Last semester was the “focus” this next 2 are going to be “ambition”. Sometimes you lose that vision. I got it back. So here’s my last chance to prove myself. Not to anyone, but to myself. Cause if i’m not proud how can I expect someone else to be.

i’ve observed for a min on the whole topic of thinking like a man. i feel that i do at certain times, however i do know the difference. i don’t choose to think this way, i feel like it’s happened over time. i’ll say i learned from my mistakes. each piece of my past has taught me something about the male species that i probably use today. i’ve learned to care, that not everyone else cares about what you have to say, that someone can see you at your brightest even when you’re at your lowest, and that with them loving is pretty simple; they just want someone that gives them what they need. However, i’ve also learned to be ruthless and that caring too much shows weakness. Also learned how to cheat…no comment. I learned that when you don’t want to hear what someone else is saying, to stop listening and immediately go ghost until you’re ready to talk to that person…or if you remember. The best thing i must say i’ve learned is that contraceptives of any kind are a must…6 kids later you’d think…well it’s not my place. 

i just want to reiterate that thinking like a man shouldn’t always be you thinking like your bad past. my cousin said this before that if she were to think like a man, she’d want to think like the one that takes care of theirs…not the one who can barely get himself together. i’m not saying anyone or thing is perfect because the stage of shambles my life is in is probably at its highest. however just because your life is in shambles, doesn’t mean 1) you’re ready for a relationship 2) you treat your relationships with little care when it’s already fragile. 

so personally, i don’t want to think like a man…i just want to understand him. i just want to fill that missing part in him that fills that empty part in me. it’s so simple, but i feel like egos and emotions and life gets in the way of the picture. happiness. when you understand each other, you make way for each other to be able to love one another. 

now my story is more complicated…like i said nobody on this earth is perfect. However, I’m a work in progress and i know that anyone else should be able to work with me and be well in heart mending because i’ll be able to do the same for them. 

-i know i’m just rambling, i do that often. bare with me. - 

what i also don’t like, is when people take their significant others for granted. complain about everything about them “uggh i’m gonna leave them” not understanding that it’s someone WAITING to take their spot. someone who has been trained in the art of caring for someone and they are ready to go at war for the heart that you’re simply about to give up. i hate that. i hate when people don’t work things out and then there’s the “what if”. what if we woulda worked it out ? what if we woulda fell in love? what if we woulda got married ? kids? grew old ?buried next to each other. all of that. 

my grandmother passed away recently, and she was buried next to my grandfather. so i asked my other grandmother where she wanted to be buried and she said “your granddaddy”. I asked why, and she replied ” i don’t think there’s anyone else who would want to be dead with me.” i want that ! my grandparents probably haven’t kissed since i was born, but it doesn’t matter because at the end of the day, they want to continue to be together…even when they’re gone. 

sometimes i feel like i was born in the wrong generation for many reasons. one of them being that love, to me, was more genuine and sincere then than it is now. i feel like in the 90s people would exclaim their love through a lame R&B song on bended knee and whatnot, in the 80s they probably showed up at your house after a dance and dramatically told you they loved in the middle of the street with like a boombox, in the 70s they made sure they let you know they loved you by sneaking out in the night going to a concert expressing their love, or in the 60s, 50s, 40s earlier when they asked your PARENTS for permission to love you because they wanted them to know and for it to be real. now-a-days you either have someone who will be quick to say ‘i love you” when they are far from the definition of love or the person who won’t love you at all…they’re just dragging a relationship out of you. 

i just know there is someone out there for everybody. there is someone out there to make you happy. to send you texts to make sure you do well on your final, or the kind who just thought to tell you good morning because their day wouldn’t be right without saying it. to be genuinely be happy is to be blessed and everyone deserves it. so if you ever feel like there isn’t anyone out there, that they’re all dogs or blah blah…forget that. keep hope. chivalry isn’t dead. good ones are out there. you’ll find them in due time. or they’ll find you. 

ok i’m done ranting. 

MakeDamnSure (iPod Game)

RULES: 

1. Put Your iTunes/iPod, Windows Media Player (etc…) on Shuffle.

2. For each question, press the next button, and the title of that song is your answer.

3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS

4. Put any comments in [brackets] after the song name

Are you male or female?
Choose Up - Dom Kennedy (lmfao)

Describe yourself!
Dance or Die - Janelle Monae feat.Saul Williams 
 
What do people feel when they’re around you?

She Hates Me - Puddle of Mud

Describe your current relationship.
Fancy - Drake feat. Swizz Beats and T.I. (-_-)

Where would you like to be now?
Hypnotized - Notorious B.I.G.

How do you feel about love?
Chasing Dreams - Chancer 

 
What’s your life like?
AssMilk - Tyler the Creator feat. Earl (hahaaha)

What would you wish for if you had only one wish?

Booty Meat - Soulja Boy (well…)

Say something wise.
The Ocean - Tegan and Sara

If someone says “Is this okay?” You say,
Life’s A Bitch - Wale feat. Talib Kweli 

How would you describe yourself?
Erryday - Wiz Khalifa feat. Juicy J ( we trippy mane !)

What do you look for in a guy/girl?
Take Away - Wiz Khalifa 

How do you feel today?
Cooler Than Me - Mike Posner 

What is your life’s purpose?
Fuck Your Ethnicity - Kendrick Lamar

What is your motto?
Overdose - Ryan Leslie

What do your friends think of you?

In My Car - The Pack 

 
What do you think of your parents?
My Love - Jill Scott 

What do you think about very often? 

Hood Politics - Young Jeezy

What is 2 + 2?
What She Like - Yung Joc feat. Yo Gotti

What do you think of your best friend?
Single - Musiq Soulchild 

What do you think of the person you like?
She Aint In Love - Dom Kennedy 

What is your life story?
Hell of a Life - Kanye West (perrrfect)

What do you want to be when you grow up?

I’m your life - Chrissette Michelle ( yeah, idk )

What do you think of when you see the person you like?
I like dem girls - Lil Jon and the Eastside Boyz (smh)

What will you dance to at your wedding?
Little Motel - Modest Mouse (as beautiful as it is…nahh lol)

What will they play at your funeral?
Chillin - Wale 

What is your hobby/interest?
My People - Erykah Badu (*raises fist*)

What is your biggest fear?
Christmas in Harlem - alotta people (im not afraid of that, lol)

What is your biggest secret?
Break Up - Lil Wayne 

What do you think of your friends?

On fire - Lil Wayne 

What would you name this post?
Cocaine - The Internet